A Family Affair
18 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Earlier this week, I agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend, that I had never heard of before. It seemed a little odd that out of nowhere, a name was produced and permission to hand over my phone number was asked. With my new attitude in tow, I agreed and decided not to Google him or fish around for any details. So when he called and asked me out minutes later I agreed to meet him for a glass of wine. (I later found out that he’s not exactly a friend of a friend, more like a chiropractor that works at her gym, that she’s met a couple of times).
After about 45 minutes, I sat sipping my chilled Pinot Grigio, making small talk to fill in the gaps of a flailing blind date, when my eyes moved towards another man in the bar who was walking directly into my line of vision. I found words fly out of my mouth that I least expected to be saying on a date, “Hey Chooky,” as I was face to face with my little brother.
Startled, his face lit up at recognising me and then he paused, taking a moment to realise that he had stumbled across me while I was clearly on an uncomfortable blind date. We chatted for a few seconds before he introduced me to his date (who not surprisingly, I had never seen before) and I awkwardly had to do the same. Sensing that his date wanted all of his undivided attention we said good-bye and he gave me a little wink.
My date then went on to make some comment about how this is such a small world and how awkward I looked, and at the same time – desperate to know all about my brother. (Um, this was supposed to be a date about me)!!! Not long after, we left the bar and I consciously decided not to go over to my brother. My date and I parted ways without any inclination to keep in touch and I was ok with that.
The funniest part about this date was that this morning my brother rang me to see how it went and said that he didn’t like the guy’s chances as the body language was all wrong and that he could tell I wasn’t into it when I’d spotted him!
Pash’n'dash!
15 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in First Dates, First Kiss Tags: Flirting, Hiatus, Kissing
After a self-imposed 6-week hiatus from dating, I am back!
On Saturday night I got all ‘dolled-up’ and went with friends to a birthday party at a crowded bar. It had been a while since I had ventured further than ‘down the road’ on a night out as I had consciously decided that I was not going to be a hermit any longer. We got to the bar early, found ourselves a nice perch and proceeded to drink and laugh together as different people we knew came and went.
After a few hours of continuous drinking (I can’t actually remember a time when my glass was empty) we decided it was time to move on: home or out was the question. Out! So we ambled down the street to a well-known, less-than-classy bar. This was always where we would end the night – open all hours and attracting the riff-raff of the city! And Saturday night was no exception. We headed straight to the bar and ordered another round and hit the dance floor for an hour of grooving!
As we stumbled out of the bar, we were laughing and slurring, drawing a great deal of attention to ourselves. The token male in our group then asked a random guy in the street his opinion of something – clearly I was not involved in the conversation otherwise I would remember what it was that he asked. The response was almost unrecognisable, but clearly spoken with a thick Irish accent.
“You’re Irish?” I asked, excited by the prospect of speaking to this cute Irishman.
“Ay, me darlin’.”
To my delight, he stopped and chatted briefly to me. I began to flirt like it was going out of fashion and I noticed that my friends had clearly kept walking and were half way down the street. He was so sweet, about 10 years my junior and had the cutest dimples. We were laughing about who knows what, when he leaned in and kissed me. There we stood, having a dirty ‘pash’ on the side-walk for all my friends to see. And just a quickly as it began, it was over. I smiled and thanked him, before walking away… knowing that I was BACK!
Time for spring cleaning!
28 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Marriage, Relationships Tags: Advice, Marriage, Spring cleaning
Over dinner last night a newly married friend showed off her honeymoon photos and was bordering on the side of being one of those “smug married” people. Throughout her story-telling, she kept referring to her life as “Before I met Jason” or “Since I met Jason” and while I am usually tolerant, it began to grate on my nerves. Since when is Melissa not Melissa anymore? She is now only half of a “WE”.
Melissa kept asking about my prospects and she was more than happy to give her take on dating, being single and what I need to do to snag myself a “Jason”.
This is when she passed on some advice that I have thought about all day. When she was single, someone once told her that she needed to clean out her cupboards and make enough room for a second person to share her wardrobe with her.
It seemed like such sensible advice (there’s a first time for everything)! Clear out the rubbish and be open to a new relationship. Anyone want to help my do some spring cleaning???Only then would she be ready for the emotional baggage of a relationship, not to mention having enough room in her house for someone else’s clothes!
An invitation via text message
08 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Blind Dates, First Dates Tags: Blind Date, Technology, Text message
Oh how the world of dating is changing with technology – I just received a text asking me out on a date!
I shouldn’t really be surprised that some guys will send a text message to ask out a girl. The problem is, why is this becoming socially acceptable? Gone are the days when someone would get your phone number from a mutual friend or family member, carefully plan when to call to make appropriate chit chat before asking you to join them on a date.
Like every other part of our lives, technology is becoming more and more involved, from online supermarket shopping to internet or mobile dating. But are we losing touch with what dating is all about? Dating is about making a connection and getting to know the other person, both on a physical and an emotional level and while web-cams can help (with the physical barriers at least), text messaging further removes that personal touch.
I did write back, but I am wary of a guy who doesn’t call…
“He works where???”
22 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
in Blind Dates, First Dates, Relationships Tags: Career, Job, Sex shop
“He works in a sex shop.”
Not quite what I had planned on telling anyone. Actually, not at all what I expected to hear either, but who am I to judge a book by its cover??
Last night I sat across from a handsome 38-year-old musician/actor and I began taking stock of my own situation while being careful not to be too judgemental. Having a clear career path was easy for me; finish school, go to university, apply for jobs, instant career. The path for a musician, however good he may or may not be is always a bumpy ride unless you get signed in high-school or if you shoot to instant YouTube fame overnight. Both of which are not likely. So how long would you give yourself to ‘make it’?
I listened intently as my date told me of the trials and tribulations of constant auditions, band practice and the paid gig here and there. He explained that the life of a performer was not always lucrative and that the past 10 years had seen him have many career changes. He has been a printer, a writer, a DJ, a labourer, a call centre operator, a driver, a student, a market researcher and a fruit picker. Right now, he was currently the manager of a bar, a landscape gardener and he works in a sex shop two days a week.
Judging from the look I must have had on my face, my date proceeded to tell me that working in the sex shop was one of the greatest acting ‘workshops’ that one could do to practice his trade. Each week he would enter the store with a clear idea of what skill he would be working on, whether it be comedic timing, emotional reasoning or even practising different accents, all the while trying to sell as many products to the customers as he could. At times he would have to hold back from laughing at the obscure questions he’s be asked and at other times, he would need to convince the customer that they needed the item they were only considering. This amused me.
A shiver ran through my spine as I had a quick flash down the line to the awkward conversation that would probably take place between my parents and I. Why would it really matter what the guy I am dating does for a living?
The sex shop thing was just a job, what bothered me more than that was that his life was less together than mine!
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Time is Precious
30 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Blind Dates, First Dates Tags: Blind Date, Strike Out, Time
I have been on many dates in my life but I have never been kept waiting as long as I was last night! Everyone values their time, whether it be sitting in a doctors waiting room, being kept on hold from a utility company or waiting in line at the bank, but why do some people feel their time is more valuable than mine???
A few months ago, I was supposed to meet my blind date at 9:00pm at a cool bar in the city as he was only flying back from a work trip earlier that evening. Due to the fact that I was leaving the following day for some sun and fun, we thought it best to try to seize the day and meet sooner than later – partly because if there was no chemistry I would be free to play out ‘girls gone wild’ overseas and not feel like I was cheating on anyone. At about 6 o’clock I received a text explaining that his flight was delayed and he wasn’t sure what time he’d get in, but that he would keep me posted and he was still keen to meet up if it wasn’t too late. I was hanging out with the girls, so we ordered pizza and seeing that I hadn’t begun to get ready yet, I took my leisurely time primping and preening and psyching myself up for what I was hopeful would be a fabulous first date.
When he texted at 9:45pm to let me know he had landed, I quite put out and frustrated. Why hadn’t he texted me before he took off?? I could have kept track of his flight online and planned my time more carefully, leaving me plenty of time to get ready. None-the less, I quickly pulled myself together and got to the bar at 10:30pm. Luckily he was apologetic and in truth, I had nothing better to do than wait.
Last night however, my date kept me waiting in limbo for over an hour! I was hanging out at a friend’s house, so it wasn’t like I was actually sitting in a restaurant waiting for him to arrive, but my time is precious. If I had have been at a bar waiting, I’d have left after 22 minutes, but for some stupid reason I sat around, playing solitaire on my phone. Needless to say, I should have realised that if a grown man couldn’t get his arse into gear and meet me on time or at least come up with a plausible explanation and a great apology, he was not going to be for me!
Mobile Dating
25 Jan 2012 1 Comment
in Blind Dates, First Dates, Relationships Tags: Blind Dates, Mobile Phones, Online
A few weeks ago, a friend drew my attention to the next big thing in the dating world and talked me into downloading an app on my iPhone that takes online dating to a whole new level. It’s mobile dating!
Sure, there have been apps around for a while, but these apps really only support hook-ups using your phone’s GPS, but now you can search for your soul mate using your phone and your location to find true love.
Okcupid is the name of the app and it takes lots of good bits from other internet based dating sites and rolled it into a portable portal into the search for your soul-mate. It matches people based on their location, their answers to some serious and not so serious questions as well as giving you the chance to browse and simply write to anyone who you think is hot.
After agonising on which screen name to choose, I went with something a little bit cryptic and cheeky. I then proceeded to answer the minimum number of questions to get me set up and online. And over the 3 days that followed I began to feel quite popular. My phone was vibrating non-stop showing me who was looking at my profile, who was rating my profile as ‘hot’ and I even had a few emails.
Like any of these online dating sites, there are always the crazies. There are guys that want to talk dirty before they even introduce themselves, the guy who writes on behalf of him and his girlfriend looking to expand the number of participants in their intimate love-making sessions and the over 50′s man that’s in the midst of a midlife crisis and thinks I might be the one his searched his whole life for. And then, occasionally, there are a few guys that peak my interest and so the journey begins.
There’ll be emails back and forth, getting to know each other and lots of flirting. I’m sure there will be many dates to follow. So stay tuned… I have a good feeling about this! (don’t I say that every time?)
Is that MY Biological Clock ticking???
16 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in First Dates, Marriage, Relationships Tags: Biological clock, Children
Recently I was asked to comment on the following questions for a newspaper article. Having only thought about my biological clock sporadically, this is what I came up with…
Q: Is your biological clock ticking? Do you want children? Are you anxious about this or chilled?
When I’m standing at a friend’s child’s birthday party and I realise that standing there on my own and ‘single’ means that I’m years away from that exact moment in my life, my breathing becomes laboured and I can literally hear my biological clock ticking. I’d love to be a mum – in fact, I always thought by this age I’d have been happily married, we’d have a couple of kids, I’d be on the parents association of their school and savouring all their milestones. Anxious is probably not how I would describe myself about this, but there are moments like that, that I’d rather be where my friends are in life rather than imagining not having all that one day.
My desire to become a mum had never really been an issue until recently. It’s like I need to fulfil some life-long dream and that need is getting stronger as each birthday rolls around. I’m not even sure if it’s psychological or physiological.
Q: Do you go looking for a partner or subconsciously or consciously are you looking for a father for your future children? Do you check out his genes as well as his jeans? How does this affect your dating? When do you bring up your desire for children (if you have one)? On which date? And why?
I think subconsciously, every time I go out with a guy, I’m secretly sizing him up with regards to husband/father material. I might look at his teeth and wonder if he’d had braces or if they were naturally that straight or I’d imagine what mixing his colouring with mine might produce if we had a child. What he does plays a part in my thinking as to if he will be able to support us when I take time off to have our kids.
I do drop the occasional comment about spending time with my nephews or I may even tell a funny story about a friend’s toddler, to gauge if they are even the slightest bit interested. If they’re not interested flat-out, I’ve had guys say so on the first date – no reason to muck around and if they are ready and waiting to find the mother of their kids – it’s usually clear. It’s the ones that don’t give anything away that worry me sometimes. I don’t have 3-4 years to invest in ‘US’. I’m thinking; quick courtship, with or without the official commitment, straight into kids – and we’ll grow as they do!
There is no rule when to bring it up, but like I said, I’m not willing to invest in something that ultimately isn’t going to bring me the things that I want… or need. But, having said that, by the time pillow talk takes place, I have probably made a few fishing comments just to be sure.
Q: What age guys are you dating? Do you find men look at you and think maybe you just want them for their sperm?
I’m dating guys who are older than me – 33, but not too old. I’m not into anyone starting out in their career or someone who wants to see the world. Those guys are not looking to settle down and start a family. Nor am I dating guys who have lots of kids from a previous marriage – they certainly aren’t looking at collecting anymore.
There are those men who have grown up children and have past the age of wanting to be a ‘new’ father again and feel that another 20 years of looking after their offspring would be a burden. Plus, those are the same aged men who will be too elderly to run around after their kids or to see them graduate from high school!
I’d like to think that most of the men I’ve dated haven’t thought I just wanted their sperm, though one guy I picked up in a bar was very clear about being super ‘careful’ as he didn’t want to make any mistakes – seeing that he was worth a lot of money! (I was shocked, but amused at the thought that maybe he had been in that situation before)!
Q: What’s your experience of talking about babies on dates? Does the guy say something first? Do you? Any interesting anecdotes you’d like to share from these conversations?
I’m usually comfortable with wherever the conversation takes me on a date. If it’s still in the getting-to-know-you phase, then I usually throw in a joke or two. Joking around is an easy way to ask some tough questions.
However, if I’m out with a guy who continually makes comments about me being a great mother or that we’d make great children together it could go one of two ways. If I’m not that into him, I find it creepy and it’s a great exit strategy, stating “I’m not ready for that phase in my life!” Alternately, if I’m into him, it’s one more tick on my list… onto the next dot point…
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The Only Thing to Change is your Memory!
09 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Yesterday I went to pick up a package from my mother’s house and while I was there I had a quick chat with Ruby, one of her friends who was visiting. Ruby asked about how the dating scene was going as she is in the same situation, but 25 years further down the line than I am. I told her how it’s hit and miss on some dates and how the Hotness Delusion Syndrome is a serious worry. I also explained that there are times when the phone doesn’t even ring. She totally agreed and said that it’s no different from where she’s sitting.
Ruby then went on to tell us how last week she had gone on a date with a man who was totally apathetic (clearly something I could identify with). At first she thought that maybe he was bored by the conversation so she tried to change the topic and appeal to his interests a little more. She then gave numerous examples of how he lacked any interest in anything! My mum was desperate to know who it was and if she knew him, so when she told my mum who it was, the funniest thing happened.
My mum exclaimed that she must be losing her marbles as she already told my mum that she had gone on a date with the same man about 3 years ago but must have forgotten! Ruby sat there stunned, half smiling and half worried that maybe it was time for a health check.
